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Bad Humor Homepage

jokes collected by Joan Adams

content last added Friday, October 17th, 1997
content deleted (round 3, section 8) Tuesday, December 4th, 2001

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True Mind Rot

Humor Links:

The Emperor Norton Utilities Today’s Joke
Punch Bill Gates The Dilbert Zone

Contents:

Round 1

  1. What If People Bought Cars Like They Bought Computers
  2. 12 Ways to leave your floppy...
  3. Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.
  4. HOW TO SCORE POINTS WITH A WOMAN
  5. A panda walks into a bar...
  6. APPLICATION TO LIVE IN ARKANSAS
  7. TWENTY WORDS THAT SHOULD EXIST
  8. Why dogs are better than women
  9. Life Quirks
  10. Very Short Books
  11. DRINKER’S FAULT-FINDING GUIDE
  12. There once was this blonde woman who was fed up with all the blonde jokes...

Round 2

  1. ACTUAL BRILLIANT QUOTES FROM OBVIOUS GENIUSES
  2. ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
  3. Geek humor
  4. HOW COLD IS IT? An annotated thermometer
  5. The Darwin Award Finalists:
  6. A collection of signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world.
  7. This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
  8. ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS
  9. A very shy guy goes into a bar...
  10. Darwin awards, a few more
  11. The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders.

Round 3

  1. WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS
  2. The British Military writes Officer Fitness Reports
  3. Soap—This has to be the cleanest man on Earth.
  4. Theme: They’re all nuts in L.A.! The Annual Darwin Awards—Another Classic:
  5. The Top 15 Potential Problems With Cloning Humans
  6. Lighting charcoal grills
  7. Dealing With The IRS
  8. THE VERMONTER’S GUIDE TO COMPUTER LINGO
  9. Late message
  10. “Before I came here I was confused...”

Round 4

  1. A defending attorney was cross-examining a coroner...
  2. If restaurants functioned like Microsoft:
  3. Things you learn about computers from the movies:
  4. Beer talk.
  5. There are many transmission lines that crisscross Connecticut...
  6. 10 Ways You Know are dating/living with/married to a Consultant
  7. Things that make you go HHMMMM
  8. “and much, much more”
  9. An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates...
  10. Scientists Discover New Element
  11. A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game...

Round 5
  1. HIGHER SOURCE RAISES STAKES IN INTERNET INDUSTRY
  2. Parenting 101
  3. So you think you’re computer-illiterate?
  4. ANOTHER VIRUS Alert
  5. 2 New Elements for the periodic chart:
  6. Darwin awards 4
  7. Condoms
  8. New technology
  9. Heaven’s Gate Nursery Rhyme
  10. A Thinking Problem
  11. All engineers have but one thing on their mind...

Round 6

  1. Running of the Congressmen
  2. MAN CAUGHT BY HIS CAT-FLAP
  3. Three mice are at a bar...
  4. Golf Joke
  5. BILL BASHING
  6. PROGRESS REPORT
  7. 1994’S MOST BIZARRE SUICIDE
  8. Take a well-known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter...
  9. More bumper stickers
  10. Annual Reviews made easy.

Round 7

  1. Hell Freezes Over
  2. The Postman
  3. “Justification for higher education”....
  4. Dan is in a bar...
  5. --Bad Writing Contest Winners--
  6. Model Quotes
  7. Instant-win airbags
  8. A Letter From Barbie

Round 8

  1. Airplane jokes
  2. Man’s best friend
  3. Tickle me
  4. How to have fun at the expense of others
  5. Object-oriented programmable toaster
  6. The 1996 Best Headlines are.....
  7. Kvetch
  8. THE RABBIT: A FABLE
  9. Why ask why

Round 9

  1. Duracell Bunny Death Notice
  2. Green Eggs and Hamlet
  3. Horse and chicken
  4. Man’s rules for Women
  5. The Plan
  6. Waka waka bang splat

Round 10

  1. Lipstick
  2. The Best College Entrance Essay
  3. Another golf joke
  4. Adam and Eve
  5. Bart Simpson’s Punishment
  6. A blond in vegas
  7. Cloning
  8. Four daughters
  9. Bad jokes
  10. Natural selection among M&M’s

Round 11

  1. Quotes
  2. Subject: new parishioners
  3. Subject: Predictions
  4. QUOTE OF THE DAY...
  5. DUBIOUS ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS—BRITISH DIVISION
  6. Bumper stickers
  7. We’re off to see the wizard!
  8. These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the state of Missouri, circa 1989.

Round 12

  1. Another Yiddish joke
  2. Bill Gates’ Home
  3. Fry Tim McVeigh
  4. Yiddish joke
  5. Roses
  6. Some groaners
  7. Cabbies
  8. Polar bears
  9. The bill

Round 13

  1. A cat, a tree
  2. Amusing Letter
  3. Damn humor
  4. Easiest Quiz in the World
  5. Announcing, from Low-Life Books—MYSTERIES OF THE OVERBLOWN
  6. Martha Stewart’s Calendar
  7. More Hillary Clinton
  8. Why E-Mail Is Like a Penis
  9. A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant...

Round 14

  1. Actual signs
  2. Things one learns from children (honest and no kidding)
  3. The truth about Roswell
  4. Lava lamp news
  5. Other Boycotts of the Southern Baptists
  6. Some great Homer Simpson quotes
  7. Campus pranks
  8. Puns puns puns - I’m sorry, very, very, very sorry
  9. If Microsoft Built Cars
  10. HK Hangover
  11. Signs that you are too drunk

Round 15

  1. Call Now—Seriously
  2. Yo Mama’s So Stupid
  3. You might be a grad student if:
  4. When professors say this . . . They really mean this . . .
  5. WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
  6. Actual ads in newspapers:
  7. Lament for Finals
  8. 18th Century Lit. job search joke
  9. YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF . . .
  10. APPLICATION TO LIVE IN FESTUS, MISSOURI

Round 16

  1. Plays Shakespeare Didn’t Publish
  2. Errors deleted from manuscripts
  3. Police methods
  4. Ineffective daily affirmations
  5. Some doctor jokes
  6. Euro-speak
  7. Husbandly advice
  8. A letter from Martha Stewart
  9. Slogans for Tyson-Holyfield III
  10. Twisted takes on Tyson’s dining habits.

Round 17

  1. What Men Really Mean
  2. Answering machines
  3. HYPOTHESES AND RESEARCH GARNERING 1996 NOBEL PRIZES IN APPLIED PHYSICS
  4. Airforce denies UFO Crash
  5. Personal Ads
  6. Life will not be like Star Trek
  7. In a Galaxy Far, Far Away...
  8. More quotes
  9. Hayseed Microsoft
  10. HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM

Round 18

  1. Review of Lady Chatterley’s Lover
  2. Klingon Software Development
  3. Liz Taylor has plastic surgery
  4. Personal ads
  5. Tongue of Frog
  6. What it is
  7. Dr. Seuss’ lesser known books
  8. The corporate zodiac
  9. Just kidding

Round 19

  1. You must try this
  2. Beer lovers only
  3. Have I taught you this poorly, young Jediwebber?
  4. “Washington Rules”
  5. Letter of refusal
  6. More driving
  7. Once upon a time an American Corporation and a Japanese Corporation decided to have a competitive boat race...
  8. Ass icons
  9. Prisons v. Work
  10. The Criminal Mind

Round 20

  1. MIR-Niss
  2. No returns
  3. Dominick’s
  4. Things You Don’t Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System
  5. A quarrel
  6. MANKIND
  7. Mr. E-Mail does the Macarena.
  8. How’s that again?
  9. Arthritis

Round 21

  1. Sucker jump
  2. An apple a day
  3. Wacky Whirly Birds
  4. The Birds and the Bees
  5. Crack
  6. One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dalai Lama and a hippie.
  7. REDNECK ETIQUETTE
  8. Dr. Seuss—sexologist
  9. Brain Cells
  10. Commencement speech MIT 97
  11. It wasn’t Kurt

Round 22

  1. New York attitude
  2. New Yorker
  3. Post Office
  4. Letters of Recommendation
  5. Great minds
  6. An Ogden Nash classic
  7. Rocket Science
  8. The Finns
  9. Top 16 reasons to allow drinking at work
  10. GENERATION X OFFICE LINGO

Round 23

  1. HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME
  2. Some Catholic humor
  3. A parent’s dictionary
  4. The strongest man
  5. Non-Slanderous Political Smear Speech
  6. Chapter 4 - Dave Barry’s complete guide to guys
  7. The zoo
  8. Air Force Two: The Sequel
  9. The violinist Fritz Kreisler was out strolling...
  10. Yugo Thataway...

Round 24

  1. 19 Things That Never Happen in Star Trek
  2. RITA RUDNER’S FACTS ABOUT MEN
  3. Math Knowledge
  4. Yoda grammar
  5. Cane Toad
  6. Limericks
  7. WANT TO LEARN HOW TO ATTRACT WOMEN?
  8. Meat?
  9. KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE
  10. The essence of Texas politics

Round 25

  1. YOU KNOW YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY WHEN...
  2. The price of things
  3. Tormenting Telemarketers—A Game You Can Play at Home!
  4. Another joke from Poland
  5. Light/hard men only joke
  6. QUASI-HUMOR
  7. Jewish personals
  8. QUOTES OF THE DAY
  9. M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I
  10. The Very Last Tyson Joke

Round 26

  1. Bill Clinton—all the way from France
  2. Anagrams of the rich and famous
  3. DICTIONARY OF DATING
  4. Picture yourself near a stream.
  5. From Joan Adams: Why is divorce so very, very expensive??
  6. NATIONAL CONDOM MONTH SLOGANS
  7. From Joan Adams: Oscar Wilde when applying to Oxford...
  8. From Paul Frankenstein: Popular European Languages
  9. Mistaken identity
  10. Apple-Microsoft—oops

Round 27

  1. A Jury of his Peers
  2. What what why
  3. Only in America
  4. Quotes continue
  5. Murder by golf
  6. Penis Length Survey
  7. How to sing the blues
  8. YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN
  9. A science experiment—dihydrogen monoxide
  10. Why do guys like to name their penis?

Round 28

  1. Computers are female
  2. Top 20 rejected children’s books
  3. Some really bad excuses.....
  4. QUOTES FROM WOMEN
  5. It’s not the meat
  6. Baaaston
  7. Resume errors
  8. Hong Kong movie subtitles
  9. Most embarrassing moments
  10. St. Peter stories

Round 29

  1. A Head
  2. A bad one to start the week
  3. The Darwinian theory of brain cells
  4. Some tact required
  5. Sound like someone you know?
  6. Proposed disclaimer for NYPD Blue
  7. Dogs
  8. Consulting work
  9. New std
  10. Actual Announcements taken from Church Bulletins

Round 30

  1. ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
  2. BEER TROUBLESHOOTING part deux
  3. Computers must be male, software compilers must be female
  4. Are you feeling old?
  5. The Good Things About Going to Hell
  6. Lesser known breeds
  7. Marv Alpert
  8. Norm Peterson’s Famous Quotes
  9. THE DOG
  10. Salesman quiz

Round 31

  1. Women, what if you had a Penis for a day
  2. Personal Ads
  3. New TV set
  4. More on cloning
  5. God is an engineer
  6. Concise creative writing
  7. MacDonald’s Excuses for the Condom in a Big Mac
  8. Restitution
  9. Soft drinks